Understanding Anger

Steve Busche — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 01:59:41 +0000

From time to time, we are bound to be confronted with situations where we feel angry, and there is no way we can avoid this as it is part of our lives. That said, we need to know how to deal with these feelings effectively and constructively instead of destructively where you can actually hurt others while doing so.

In itself, anger is just a feeling, however the way we choose to express it to others can bring huge inconvenience to ourselves, not to mention that it contributes to the other person’s frustration and stress too.

The thing about anger is that it is actually a learnt skill, if you think carefully you might be expressing your frustration in the the ways that your parents did! If the way you’ve been handling your frustration has been causing you problems and inconvenience in your life, it may be time to rethink that strategy and change to a more constructive one.

Here are some ideas that you can use to help you deal with feelings of anger more effectively.

Showing others respect

One thing that we all sought as a society creature is to have other’s approval in terms of our opinions. Not able to gain that can quickly lead us to be frustrated, and as such what you need to do is learn how to give others respect in the first place. If you do not wish to have others imposing their ideas and opinion on you, why would you want yours to be imposed on them?

Finding yourself

One of the most important things anyone can have is to have the confidence and self belief about one. Having a sense of yourself will means that you will less likely feel as angry because you no longer seek approvals from others as you are self affirmed enough.

Understanding what you can control

Most people feel frustrated because they do not have the ability to thoroughly change the way the world works to their favour. When you understand this, you will stop trying to change anyone or the world and as such become less worried and frustrated in the process.

Failure to deal with anger in an effective way is a sure way to get you angry, losing your self respect and the respect of others in the process. It is not to late to relearn how you deal with anger and start leading a better and healthier life.

Understanding Anger is a post from: Recovery Coaching

The Truth About Anger

admin — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 09:19:34 +0000

Why do some people get into a rage? That is probably most of us at some time or another. People who are prone to lose their temper, often talk themselves into a hole.

This self talk can cause real damage to the anger-prone person and their relationship with others. This self-talk is often based on false assumptions and misinformation.

Marcus Aurelius said it well, “How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.”

The truth is:

1. Nobody can put us down or make us feel like worthless without our permission. We allow ourselves to get angry by
(a) telling ourself that the other person means to put me down
(b) believing that if they put me down, I must be insignificant
(c) Therefore I should react with anger to what I believe to be insults and put-downs.

2. Rarely do the words or action of others have the sole purpose of hurting us. People rarely have a vested interest in telling us that I are worthless.

3. Even if the put down is intended, we can stay cool, and not get upset, hurt, provoked or angry unless we choose to. While we may not the other person putting us down, we can choose not to get upset over the whole thing.

4. When I interpret another person’s actions or choices (being late, buying a new car for himself instead of a washing machine for me, interrupting me and so forth) as commentaries on me, I am “Personalising”. Such personalising interpretations are nearly always wrong. People do what they do for their own reasons and these seldom centre on us.

5. Although we may not like someone else’s behaviour towards us, we don’t need to tell ourself how terrible, awful and infuriating it is. Instead, we can tell ourself that there is no particular reason to expect that others will always behave in ways that we consider best for us. The fact is that nobody is perfect and everybody does wrong on occasions, even to us.

6. We do not have the right to be exempt from bad treatment by others. We can only change how we react to it. Why should I tell myself such things are shocking and unbelievably dreadful, when in reality they are par for the course?

7. Should we always expect that circumstances will always go our way? If they do not, does it mean that all is lost? How we respond to these circumstances is what is important.

8. We should not get upset over this or anything else. Self-control is a choice.

9. Why should we claim a right to be angry and upset, since getting upset and staying that way harm me more than anyone else? Why should we want the right to give ourselves ulcers and high blood pressure? Why should we want the right to be miserable because we believe that someone else did us wrong?

10. The bible teaches us to forgive instead of claiming the right to be angry. Forgiveness to a brother, or to an enemy, for hurting us is a good alternative to remaining bitter.

When losing your temper and getting angry causes you to say or do something that you regret, immediately take responsibility, take ownnership of it. Go to the person you have offended and say those two difficult words: “I’m sorry.” Then go a step further and say, “What can we do to work this out?”

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The Truth About Anger is a post from: Recovery Coaching

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Understanding Anger

The Truth About Anger

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