In recent times the acts of national leaders to demonstrate this message of forgiveness has made a powerful impact on their country. The Truth and Reconciliation Commission was a court-like body assembled in South Africa after the abolition of apartheid. Anyone who felt that he or she was a victim of its violence was invited to come forward and be heard. Perpetrators of violence could also give testimony and request amnesty from prosecution.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu said that it had been an incredible privilege for those who had served the Commission to preside over the process of healing a traumatized and wounded people. He used Henri Nouwen’s phrase ‘wounded healers’, a symbol perhaps of Jesus on the cross. Not everybody in South Africa shared this conviction.

On February 13th, 2008, Aboriginal people all across Australia were deeply moved and in tears: The Prime Minister of Australia, Kevin Rudd, had finally apologised to the Stolen Generations and said ‘sorry’. Many felt this was the start of a healing process that would heal their nation. Others were opposed to this message
saying that they were not responsible for the work of previous governments.

Everyday there are expressions of forgiveness from individuals that often astound the world around them. How do you forgive someone for murdering your son or daughter? How do you forgive a spouse for unfaithfulness? Or a business partner for making off with all your money? Yet people do forgive these things.

Many people worldwide, and especially in Northern Ireland, remember Gordon Wilson, the father of Marie Wilson, one of 12 victims of the Enniskillen Remembrance Day Bombing by the Provisional IRA in 1987.

The BBC News interviewed Gordon Wilson still bruised and bloody after being pulled from the rubble. He told the stunned audience that he would bear no ill will or grudge against the people who did this act.

Hours earlier, his daughter Marie had told him while both were buried under a collapsed wall: “Daddy, I love you very much.” It was her last words to him. She died clutching his hand.

Queen Elizabeth praised “the depth of his forgiveness.” Historian Jonathan Bardon recounted, “No words in more than twenty-five years of violence in Northern Ireland had such a powerful, emotional impact.”

Although Gordon Wilson was a Northern Ireland protestant, he was made a senator in the Irish Republic. He went on to be a peace campaigner trying to bring reconciliation between Northern Ireland and the Irish Republic.

Philip Yancey, in his book, “What’s So Amazing About Grace”, offers many moving testimonies about acts of kindness that are against the odds as people and nations act out of a heart of forgiveness. Many great writers have tried to capture the essence of forgiveness over thousands of years.

Can this world move forward without such acts? It seems that politics and science, even great works of theology cannot provide the answers to the world’s problems. Albert Einstein famously said, “that nothing happens until something moves”.

It seems that great steps forward only happen when something moves the human heart to break, then to take action.

About Forgiveness – Acts to Inspire Us is a post from: Recovery Coaching

We must consider doing likewise, weep over the rubble of our past, before we can rebuild our future.

Many recovering from addiction have suffered physical, emotional or sexual abuse. So to forgive the perpetrators seems to be an impossible task. Why is it so difficult to forgive? In many cases it may be our wrong understanding of forgiveness that prevents us taking the first step. It seems in our society that forgiveness is seen as a sign of weakness.

Before we can understand what forgiveness is, it may be helpful to find out what it ‘is n

1. Forgiveness is not forgetting

We cannot forget, and why should we? Those experiences, and even the pain they caused, have a great deal to teach us, both about not being victimised again, and about not doing the same to others.

That which is ‘forgotten’ is often not forgiven. We can learn from our past experiences and help others to move on also.

2. Forgiveness is not condoning

Forgiveness is not saying that what was done to us was OK or unimportant. It was bad. It did hurt. It has made a difference in our life. In fact true forgiveness cannot occur while we are in any way denying, minimising, justifying or condoning the actions that harmed us.

3. Forgiveness is not excusing

Everyone is responsible for their own actions. Forgiveness does not excuse people for what they have done. If you can excuse someone for what they have done, perhaps it is not something that needs forgiving in the first place. We must then be aware of our own choices, the part we may have played at the time.

4. Forgiveness is not a clear-cut one time decision

Forgiveness is often a process – not a one-time event. We may recollect the event and still feel the emotional pain after we have taken the step to forgive. The process may work a layer at a time. When a hurt is deep-seated it may take a number of steps to restore our balance. We will know that the process is complete when we can remember the event and wish that person well.

5. Forgiveness is not absolution

Absolution is setting someone free from guilt. We are not responsible for what they feel. We do not let those who hurt us of the hook. We do not absolve them of all responsibility for their actions. They are still responsible for what they did and must make their own peace with the past. Furthermore, if a crime was committed, they still have to pay their debt to society.

6. Forgiveness is not a form of self sacrifice

We do not need to play the martyr. We need to be honest about how we feel. Do not say it’s OK, when it is not. Being honest about the fact that we are not ready to forgive yet, is better for us in the long run than pretending to forgive

7. Forgiveness is not reconciliation

It is sometimes not possible to reconcile a relationship. The perpetrator may have died, or a former spouse may have remarried We can forgive someone without having to establish a relationship with them again.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” You will know that you are on the road to recovery when you can be strong enough to take the first step to forgive. Remember, don’t let your past dictate your future.

About Forgiveness – 7 Myths Explored is a post from: Recovery Coaching

1. Forgiveness is a healing process

Often we cannot start this process alone. It depends on a number of factors. How and when we were hurt and by whom. How did we react at that time. What did we come to believe about ourselves because of this. Remember that forgiveness is a process and the healing can take time. There is no quick fix.

2. Forgiveness is an act of the will

Many think that forgiveness is an act that comes out of a felt emotion. Certainly, there is an emotional dimension to healing and forgiveness. But at it’s basic level, you must choose to forgive. It may not be easy but you must decide to take this course it is a choice.

3. Forgiveness is a sign of positive self esteem

Sometimes the most difficult act of forgiveness is to forgive yourself. This opens the door to be able to forgive others. It is often said that forgiveness boosts your self esteem. When we no longer want to see ourselves in the light of our past hurts and injustices, and come to believe the truth about ourselves, we feel better inside and out.

4. Forgiveness is letting go

Forgiving is not forgetting: It is letting go of anger and hurt and moving on. It doesn’t change what happened. Letting go means that the pain from our past no longer has a hold on us. This makes a way for us to set new plans for our future. Forgiveness means letting go so that we can move on.

5. Forgiveness is an internal process

Forgiveness is an internal process. It can’t be forced, and it doesn’t come easy. It brings with it great feelings of wellness and freedom. But we experience this only when we want to heal and when we are willing to work for it. We claim the right to stop hurting when we say, “I’m tired of the pain, and I want to be healed.” At that moment, forgiveness becomes a possibility-although it may take time and much hard work before we finally achieve it.

6. Forgiveness is recognising that we no longer need our grudges

Dante used the phrase: “The wrathful travel in a cloud”. Their outlook on life is distorted because their inner condition is affected by hate. It doesn’t make sense to remain unforgiving. Nursing grudges works like acid on the soul. We are not able to see straight, literally and spiritually.

7. Forgiveness is no longer wanting to punish people

The anger we feel towards them is hurting us more than it hurts them. The anger was stopping the healing. We feel that inner healing and the peace that goes with it. Forgiveness is accepting that nothing we do to punish the offender will heal us. Forgiveness is freeing up the energy that was spent in anger and chanelling it into our present and future.

8. Forgiveness offers a chance at reconciliation

It was mentioned in a previous article that forgiveness is not reconciliation. Reconciliation is restoring a relationship to a positive state. This is not possible if the perpetrator has died, or a former spouse has remarried. Reconciliation goes beyond forgiveness and may generally not be possible if forgiveness has not taken place. If someone says that they have forgiven a person yet they avoid that person at all costs – it is likely that some deep seated resentment is still there.

9. Forgiveness is the only way to heal the pain

We make a decision to say that we are sick and tired of this pain, we do not want to be a victim any longer, and need to deal with the pain in a positive way. Then we know that the road to to recovery is possible and forgiveness is taking place.

10. Forgiveness is freedom

Forgiveness is freeing up the energy. Forgiving someone means that you have released them from the consequences of their action to you so that you can be free. Those who hold resentment in their heart are in no position to withstand any of the storms of life. Your own personal vision of inner peace and what you want your life to become is available when you forgive.

Forgiveness: 10 Steps to Freedom is a post from: Recovery Coaching